True self-care is not about indulgence. It’s not pampering yourself with a day at the spa or giving in to the urge to buy yourself a fancy coffee because you have a long day ahead of you. Maybe sometimes it IS indulgences, but if that is a habit rather than an occasional treat, it is likely that it is an escape or excuse rather than self-care.

Guilt can be defined as the negative feelings that arise because of behavior or the perception that a behavior is wrong. It’s an unpleasant emotion that keeps our morals in check. It is particularly painful in intimate relationships as we are witness to the impact of our behaviors on those we care about. Personally, as a couples therapist I felt guilty that I missed the warning signs of my own relationship’s demise. I also felt guilt about the impact of divorce on my children, who had their own journey with the pain. What I found by surveying divorced men and women is that we often feel guilty about things over which we have no control

An interview about midlife post marriage sex with author Laura Freedman Williams

Like divorce isn’t hard enough, let’s throw in a pandemic? Seriously? My nervous system is already fried, thank you very much. My divorced self-esteem is circling the drain and still, my ex is pulling out all of their traditional “greatest hits” of bad behavior. The anxiety feels relentless.

Anxiety and divorce, dating after divorce, covid and divorce?

“Rocked to the core- that's the phrase which comes to mind when describing my divorce. What I thought I had and how the future was going to look was blown to hell and replaced by sadness, a sadness of depths which I had never known. What I COULD NOT believe at the time, but it really came true, is that living a happy life after divorce is within reach.

Divorce, anxiety and panic attacks are close bedfellows-there’s no getting around that. You’re launched on an unpredictable, emotional roller coaster ride. Your soon be ex’s reactive trance has stripped all compassion leaving you with a racing heart, waking in the night, sweaty palms, foggy thinking, nausea- feeling like you’re under attack,questioning your mental health, fear that you’re losing your mind? Check, check and check.

We have no good pattern either for being divorced or for dealing with divorced women. The end of a marriage, whether by divorce or by death, is an event to mourn, but the community is not sufficiently sensitive to the divorced woman's need for a mourning ritual and for grief support.

This blog outlines the emotional stages of divorce from denial through acceptance.

As brutal as a divorce can be, my divorce was a journey of transformation. Interestingly, it was much like walking the Camino de Santiago. A pilgrim sets sights on arriving at the end goal, some with life learnings that are invaluable, transformed by pain and hardship, touched by love and kindness. This was the hope and expectation for my marriage.

The first and most important tool to surviving and thriving through a divorce is to practice radical compassion. Nobody plans on getting divorced when they marry. As humans, we intuitively internalize the disappointment when divorcing. The very experience threatens our identities which activates our fight and flight response. That old reptilian brain will go to any length to protect us, hijacking our higher self. That means, if our fight and flight response run wild, we wind up saying and doing things, which we will regret. Practicing self-compassion when I wanted to act out against myself saved me. Learn about how to notice and regulate those feelings. Practice pumping the brakes of that wild puppy part of your brain. If you do not have the tools, get thee to a therapist and a class! I went to workshops almost every other weekend.

Maybe you have been there… you believe you have failed at life, you don’t like your body, your clothes and feel that you have little self-expression in your own style. You feel frozen in time with little sense of how to move forward. The dissolution of your marriage may have happened slowly with a gradual loss of your true self and your identity to please your spouse. Your self-esteem has never been lower. Reminds me of the song by Winona Judd, “Rockbottom is just a place to turn around.” Now that you are single, it’s time to get back your mojo. And build a life that excites you to get up to everyday. How do you do that? Read on, McDuff!