Healing from Divorce: Seriously, Another Love Song?

By Jaynie Henely

Going through a divorce

Always wanted

New life

Meet new people

Spend time

Move forward

Reinvent

Marriage

Change

Divorce

Family

Experience

Opportunity

Healthy

Spend time alone

Different

Reinventing

Love

Love yourself

Healing from divorce after a 33 year relationship is a seismic life adjustment. Oy, just when I felt like I was getting my feet under me, wham, another song in a grocery store, a radio or from who knows where, a song associated with a fond memory...Grief kneecaps me. I lose focus...what was I doing? I was going through a divorce the year "Stay with Me", Sam Smith won Best Song Grammy award and the song was everywhere. Not to mention Adele’s innumerable others. 

Music matters to me, it is essential for my mental health, but how could function when a random love song could lambast my footing?

Wait, this person(my soon to be my ex)) was not my only love. What? This person was not my only love...one more time, this person was not my only love!  My children, my family were stalwart in their support, as were my friends.  There had been significant struggles with my relationship with my Mom but she showed up like a champion, as did my brothers and sister.  Along with reinventing my new life, I had to seize the opportunity to not be so single visioned around my experiences with music. When the song "Stay with me" came on, I envisioned my dedicated dog, following me around the house always by my side. I was no longer afraid to be alone. I inserted my children's faces and feelings about them  when love songs played, again and again.  My family and friends pillared my heart open to receive love. That love penetrated the paralyzing shadow of betrayal. Can it be said enough times? Love wins. 

Next, I created playlists of resiliency for working out and another for courageous walking. Pink's "Try", "I’m Not Ready to Make Nice."Dixie Chicks," Brave",  Sara Bareilles. "Hang on Little Tomato" by Pink Martini...etc  This helped me create new, healthy neural pathways of hope and strength. It was and is a powerful and essential tool in my divorce recovery toolkit. 

I still don't get the lyrics right, but you know what?

I'm over it.

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